So, in the last few years, my faith has been on a roller coaster. Recently, I finally went back to the Methodist Church (which I grew up in and was baptized into) during the Advent Season of 2015 because I fought the pull to go back to the church on my spirit. Before that, I was trying to fit into the world and finding pat answers and answers to appease everyone whenever the right answer was to “Seek justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God,” (paraphrased slightly from Micah 6:8). This is the theme behind the Gospels and the Prophets, I have noticed.
I used to try to have all of the answers. I used to try to answer every single thing that came my way, and I could usually back it up with something from somewhere. But then I got in nursing school, which showed me this-
Surprise, surprise. I don’t know everything I thought I knew (which I even admitted wasn’t a lot at the time) and I knew even less than I realized. That was a year of humble pie; I’m sure seminary will be the same. I’m okay with that because I need to learn. It’s part of life.
When Jesus chose His followers, He didn’t chose the ones who were well educated (the Pharisees), He chose fishermen (I know He chose Paul, but that was post ascension, not pre crucifixion), He chose tax collectors, He chose women, He ate with those who were considered unclean, who were looked down on. He chose those who weren’t considered righteous, who weren’t considered educated, but men and women who were rough, who had not necessarily had the means to get the education that the Pharisees had. He chose those who were honest about their lack of knowledge, those who didn’t have all of the answers, those who He knew would deny Him, and those He knew would run from Him when He needed them.
We don’t know. I’m well aware what it says in the Bible, and what Christ said, but that doesn’t mean I know everything or even a part of it. The nature of unknowing is the nature of humility, of a child. It’s embracing the fact that you may not know, or that you don’t, and that that is okay. There is a lady UCC preacher who has reached the point to where all of her answers are, “Honey, I don’t know.” That is where I am at now.
Personally, I think, like Flannery O’Connor said in her story about the woman who had pigs and who just “knew” who was getting into heaven, that we will be surprised at the ones who will be saints when we all get there. God works in mysterious ways and we can’t possibly know His mind; but we can be in His heart which will show through our actions. We will be known by the fruit we bear (Matthew 7:16).
I hope this reaches whoever may need it so that you may know- it’s okay to not know. It’s okay to be in the unknowing.